Today is the 4th birthday my friend Helena has missed. She would have been 40.
Eating disorders are cruel. They don't just take those deathly ill in the hospital, wanting to die. They also take the ones who are in recovery, who are doing well, who are finally enjoying life. Helena died suddenly of heart complications related to her eating disorder. She was not anorexic or bulimic, the "glamorous" illnesses; looking at her, you'd never have known she was sick. She had binge eating disorder, although it wasn't yet officially recognized and it killed her just as surely as the others.
Eating disorders are cruel, and they make you cruel. I won't hesitate to tell you most of my eating disordered friends can be bitches. I won't hesitate to admit that I was one can be a bitch. But Helena - Helena was one of the sweetest people I've known. She had that rare ability to be caring but not condescending, to truly make you feel like equals no matter your age. To make you feel like you mattered, and were loved.
The last time I saw her, we made plans to marathon Fringe; she had similar TV taste to me, and had never seen it. I still haven't been able to finish the show. I stopped on an episode, near the end, where for once everything works out, everything falls into place. I like to think that somewhere, in some parallel universe, Helena is still alive. Happy and healthy and free.
Eating disorders are cruel. They don't just take those deathly ill in the hospital, wanting to die. They also take the ones who are in recovery, who are doing well, who are finally enjoying life. Helena died suddenly of heart complications related to her eating disorder. She was not anorexic or bulimic, the "glamorous" illnesses; looking at her, you'd never have known she was sick. She had binge eating disorder, although it wasn't yet officially recognized and it killed her just as surely as the others.
Eating disorders are cruel, and they make you cruel. I won't hesitate to tell you most of my eating disordered friends can be bitches. I won't hesitate to admit that I was one can be a bitch. But Helena - Helena was one of the sweetest people I've known. She had that rare ability to be caring but not condescending, to truly make you feel like equals no matter your age. To make you feel like you mattered, and were loved.
The last time I saw her, we made plans to marathon Fringe; she had similar TV taste to me, and had never seen it. I still haven't been able to finish the show. I stopped on an episode, near the end, where for once everything works out, everything falls into place. I like to think that somewhere, in some parallel universe, Helena is still alive. Happy and healthy and free.
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